Love In Action 2011 Day 26: Love Believes No Lie

Did your loved ones ever lie to you? Did you ever lie to your loved ones? Why people sometimes chose lie instead of telling truth? What are they feared of by telling truth in certain situations? Can love and lie live together?

Human beings are never perfect. Can we expect imperfect man to keep perfect honesty and give unconditional love? Can we claim such excuse for lie? We know majority people will fail such expectation. But through history, there were some great people who did it, by living on full honesty and giving unconditional love to all. Can we expect our loved ones to be such great spirits?

My husband lied to me last night, again. He said he would work late for some extra assignment from the court. But I found out that he was actually playing Majiang with friends, which is his favorite game. He seldom played it at workday nights. We quarreled before for his playing late on weekend nights. And recently he did not get chance to play it on weekends. So playing on a workday night and claiming to work late seemed a convenient excuse. I knew he might want to avoid any unpleasant response from me due to our history experience on this issue. Lying seemed an easier solution to any possible conflict. He did not know that lying is right the cause to real issue, or the effect of real problem.

You could not imagine how disappointed I was when I found the reality, once again. A few years ago, I might get very angry and heartbroken, and we might quarrel and fight. After years of self development in the field of love and wisdom, now I have only peace and pity. I have forgiven him without his apology or request. But my love towards him was deeply hurt. Love believes no lie, no matter for what excuse. My pity was he could have improved his respect and communication skills in this lasting issue through years. If one would not learn the lesson and grow, no one else could help.  

Is this the end of our loving relationship? I don’t know yet. Thinking about all the years I have been exploring and pursuing true love, I have never given up. I first fell into love to him about 17 years ago. Through over 10 years of struggling and suffering in love, I finally gathered with him and married him. With endless exploration and growing, now I have found the unconditional love power within myself and I am blessed to live in peace and happiness most time.

Will I be happy living by my own unconditional love without sharing it with an intimate partner? I know the answer will be no. That’s why I think Marci Shimoff’s new book “Love For No Reason” is still not the full truth yet. One could create and live a life of unconditional love, but one could not experience the full meaning of happiness without sharing and growing life in a romantic love. I experienced it and knew how magic and supreme happy it could be! It’s the love beyond our imagination! If you have both the unconditional love and romantic love, you will be the God or Goddess on the earth.

So with my unconditional love, I still want the romantic love and want it more. Could I find it back with my current husband? Or it’s gone and the hope may be somewhere else? I don’t know yet. I have to keep exploring and learning, and waiting for the law of love to open the magic door for me again. I have the faith in love, no matter which way it may finally lead me. But one thing I know definitely, that love believes no lie.

My Love Recipe for 2011 Day 26 is:

• Please remember that love believes no lie, or you will risk whatever you have for not believing it.
• If you may ever try to use a convenient lie to avoid conflict, before you do it, think more about what is true love and how you could improve your communication skills to bring truth onto the table and also plant more love seeds with people especially your loved ones. Respect, trust and honesty, is the backbone of love.

P.S.  I found the lyrics for “Love The Way You Lie” by Rihanna feat, Eminem. I can’t help reading them and listening to the songs again and again……Can I love your lie?  It reminded me our crazy love when I loved your everything……

http://thehypefactor.com/eminem-feat-rihanna-love-the-way-you-lie/

http://thehypefactor.com/rihanna-feat-eminem-love-the-way-you-lie-part-2/

Love In Action 2011 Day 15: The Real Chinese Mothers

My brother in law shared an article on The Wall Street Journal. “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior” by Amy Chua. http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html?KEYWORDS=chinese+mother

It stirred strong responses with 6113 comments online so far.

The article started as: “A lot of people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically successful kids. They wonder what these parents do to produce so many math whizzes and music prodigies, what it’s like inside the family, and whether they could do it too.”

The author introduced her personal experience on how she cultivating her two daughters to grasp music instruments using rigid methods, and went to explain the main three differences between Eastern and Western parenting.

After I read her story, I felt very uneasy and pitiful, for her thoughts about success, her way of treating her daughters, and her sharing on the parenting differences which have caused many misunderstandings among readers.

Among those comments, I seemed see more critics than praise on Ms. Chua’s parenting way and writing.  I personally do not agree with her thoughts on the three differences between Chinese and Western parenting. I have never experienced parents like that, nor did my husband or friends who have Chinese background.

At some points I agree with her and would reemphasize that most Chinese parents do care very much about their children’s education and believe it’s the best way towards success. And Chinese parents normally would sacrifice more for their children’s growth and success. With our 5000 years of culture and tradition, most Chinese have strong mind and could take long burden, in similar way Chinese parents encourage their kids not to give up, but persist to be excellent.

But we’ve seldom experience such extreme example like Ms. Chua. Most Chinese parents do care about their kids’ self-esteem, do not think kids own parents everything, and do not override all of their children’s own desires and preferences. I’ve never seen any Chinese parents put so many strict conditions of “Don’t” on their kids. It’s a pity to see Ms. Chua’s opinions on excellence and success at the price of the quality and happiness of life.

Those Chinese parents as immigrants living in the US, most of them could proudly combine Eastern and Western parenting styles and take both sides advantages. Especially at our younger parents generation, we would guide our kids to grow both successfully and happily with love in their heart. Our unconditional love to our children is expecting that someday they could also find their own unconditional love to themselves, to others and to the bigger world, and could enjoy happiness with all other people. That’ll be the best success in my eyes, as a genuine Chinese mother.

My Love Recipe for 2011 Day 15, would invite you to:

• Review Ms. Chua’s article and Spring’s, reflect the ways and styles in your parents, yourself, and your friends. What do you want to be, and what do you not want to be?
• Further reflect how we may combine either Eastern, Western or any other styles, to find the true “world”/world-class style and parenting wisdom which our hearts would passionately resonate.
• See others without race difference, but with the same humanity connection.
• Clarify and redefine true success in your heart, what kind of person you want your children to grow to be, and what virtues and qualities you want your children to own.
• Seek and reveal your own unconditional love source, reflect how we could bless our children a brighter future with our unconditional love and role modeling.
• Live your role model and put your love in action everyday.

I believe if you do so, you will be a more proud and successful parent and person. I wish your children will grow healthily, happily and successfully, and your family will enjoy more invaluable happy time together! And you will be even more proud when someday your grownup children want to be parents themselves like you! Loving Parenting creates a Ripple effect to impact the world……

Love In Action 2011 Day 11: The Law of Love – Principle II

My Love Story

You Are An Abundant Unconditional Love Fountain

Look at the beautiful wedding pictures my husband and I took years ago, and our kids’ lovely photos, I felt like in a dream, a dream I could never imagine over ten years ago, when I was the most sad and desperate.  

My husband and I met in the university in China 16 years ago when he was an exchange student and I was a full time student. He made many new friends, including me. With a group of friends, we were fascinated in discussing about the world, politics, differences, and our future. In the university’s cafeteria, normally at lunch time, once we could meet together we formed a small group discussing diverse topics like on a forum, and often we formed two sides to challenge each other’s opinions. In those passionate “wars” without fire and smoke, and in his free English teaching to students, he attracted me.  I felt his different heart from my normal friends. Months later, I found myself could not enjoy lunch or anything else without seeing him.

During that time, I got the tragic news from my family, that my parents were separated, and my mom was in deep pain and desperation with endless tears everyday. My university was thousand miles away from my hometown where my parents were living. I could not do anything except occasional mail and call with my parents. My heaven was broken. I got totally lost and didn’t know where to seek the solution or help.  I got drunk for the first time also the last time of my life. My roommates tried to console me but they were like me, knowing nothing about love and marriage. I decided during that time that I would never fall in love nor marry anyone.

But love had been awakened before I could bury it. He was there in the university.  My mind kept telling myself not to want anything more than a normal friendship, but my heart betrayed my mind’s control and kept burning and burning.  It was really a torture, when emotions and minds would not work together!  Since then, I realized that love had even more power than mind!

The love secret was hidden deeply in my heart day by day till the day he was going to leave.  Our university was at a north city of China. I asked if I could see him off at the south city of China where he’d take a train further south for the overseas flight.  He agreed.  I would be the only friend who could company him that far. When the final farewell time was coming, I was staying on the platform and he was at the door of a leaving train, we stared at each other but could not say anything out, till the moving train separated us from each other’s sight.  We never knew that our next gathering would be years later, and our words of love would only be heard to each other 12 years later on our wedding.

The long time and long distance separation was a desperation itself.  When I tried all my best to learn English, passed TOFEL and GRE tests, and gained admissions by famous US universities for master degree, I thought I got hope to gather with him now. But my visa application was rejected, twice. Later I got chance to visit US by business errands. When I saw him again, he would not talk much and gave me the picture of him with his girlfriend in US.  My heart was completely broken.  I shut down my love’s door and returned to my normal life.

It could not be normal again. I got sick, from my spirit, my emotions, my mind to my body. Life was like gone from me. I had no joyful smile and no hope. In the day, I gathered all my strength to work hard, while at night, endless pain and tears were like monsters eating my youth and health, bit by bit.  I became suicidal and wanted to give up all my dreams and my life. In desperation, I accepted God and got baptized. With other Christian friends’ support, my soul was consoled but my heart was still deeply suffering. I was struggling in finding my life’s meaning and values.

But love does not allow me to die or give up my hope and dream. Many times, it called me back to keep living and keep loving.  He was there, even though thousands miles away, at the other side of Pacific, with his girlfriend’s company. I could not stop loving him and all I wanted was his happiness and success! I finally knew what is unconditional love.  And I felt the eternal love strength within myself.

In such true love, I kept blessing him, doing whatever I could to help him including helping his team to develop business in China.  We saw each other once or twice a year.  We explored opportunities together.  When our efforts in China did not work out and we realized that we need more relationships and money than we had to make fortune there, he decided to help me move to US, where I could get more fair opportunities and freedom as a bird to fly.  He was right. Our firm friendship was built on all those explorations, adventures, loyalty, and my unconditional love to him.  He was attracted to me as well! 

He still had the girlfriend he loved very much.  He was in deep confliction of dealing with the two loves.  We were both suffering. I kept praying, praying and praying, for a natural and best solution by God without hurting anyone. He’d also wait for a natural resolution by the universe.  Finally, after 10 years of knowing him and waiting in love, he told me that his girlfriend got to know us and decided to leave him.  There was no fight, but peaceful separation.  It was a pain for him, I gave him all my understanding and support through that time.  

After I moved to US we finally gathered together in the same place, and we overcame more challenges of understanding, forgiveness and accepting. It’s like accepting a new person. After 2 years of being together, we got married with families and friends witness!   Our wedding was simple on a small budget, but it’s on the lawn and by the lake of the Prosperity Park in Brooklyn, New York. That was my dream of a romantic wedding, as we designed everything, in a beautiful and natural environment, on a Spring-to-Summer day which was blessed to be sunny!   

My love story does not end by the wedding.  After our wedding, we got our first kid, a boy, then two years later, our second kid, a girl. I asked for both of them in such sequence. The universe blessed me that way.  Love never stopped its challenges, but it keeps showing me how much love I have inside of me, endless like an abundant fountain. I could get mad sometimes at my husband and my kids, but my love is there, never ends.  With love and forgiveness, my parents are now enjoying their second marriages with our understanding and acceptance. I could get angry sometimes about the world for its unfair or insane ways, but love leads me to forgive and give more. I do not need go to church to fetch it, I do not need depend on anyone for it and ask for others to give me more,  I do not need search around to find the source, it has been with me, inside of me, being me.  Love is my God, being with me all the time.

When we are young and have not gained the key to our wisdom treasure, we keep searching around the world for what we desire: success, love, fame, fortune, happiness…… we feel often the thirsty, empty, and loneliness inside of us, and we think the big world must have the answers. We learn a lot, experience a lot, and connect a lot, till one day, the big world become small, and do provide us the direction of the answer. The world point back to us, and confirm, yes, the answer has been with us all the time, in ourselves.

I couldn’t believe the truth is so simple.  When I finally got back to myself, I could not believe where I had been for the past over thirty years, when I was thirstily exploring the world and suffering a lot.  But the exploration and suffering were worthy, because without them, I could not finally find myself. The exploration process is like to know the world, before you can know yourself, and to know yourself, before you can conquer the world.  The Law of Attraction of Love has worked all the time, even when I did not understand it. Now everyday I could access endless inspirations from the best teachers, coaches and mentors in the world, and the best resource from my own abundant unconditional love fountain. I wish I could have known how to access them when I was young, which would have helped me get what I desire earlier without all those years waiting and suffering alone.  

Now love has called me to get on my dream career, as a professional coach and a tomorrow author and speaker, to inspire and empower other people to understand the secret and truth of love, and own the magic true love, wisdom and happiness.  

My Love Recipe for 2011 Day 11 is, please remember this simple but most important truth: You, yes each of you, are an abundant unconditional love fountain!